We all want to be happy. When I surveyed my Facebook friends, 93% of the responders said they would rather be happy than rich. We certainly want our loved ones to be happy, and most of us even want complete strangers to be happy.
But we’re not happy.
As a society we are increasingly angry, depressed, negative and critical. There are some among us who are truly happy, but they seem to be few and far between. We spend huge amounts of money on self-help books and therapy and “stuff” to make us happy, but it doesn’t seem to be working. So are we predisposed to being more or less happy, or is it something we can cultivate within ourselves? I believe we can learn to be happy and that our happiness can inspire others to seek it too. In fact, I have a plan to help us find the happiness that seems so difficult to capture, along with an acronym to help make it easy to remember.
H – Help
A – Appreciate
P – Positivity
P – Power
Y – Yippee
The H stands for help and reminds us to help others. Research has shown over and over again that helping others makes us feel good about ourselves, which in turn makes us happy. According to Psychology Today, “the positive energy that you feel from doing a good deed can act on your body in much the same way that exercise does, releasing endorphins that make you feel good naturally”. This doesn’t mean you should stop exercising, but it does explain the “helpers high” that we feel when we help others and why we should do it more often. Buddha said this: “if you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path”. I offer a word of caution here: don’t forget to help yourself too – you can’t pour from an empty cup and will be unable to help anyone if you become run down and overwhelmed.
The A stands for appreciate and reminds us that gratitude is the best attitude. It is impossible to feel any negative emotion when we are completely focused on our blessings. Try it for just a minute – think of something you are truly grateful for and pay attention to the warm fuzzy feeling that envelopes you. In this state, all other emotions slip away and leave us. You can’t possibly be angry when you focus on the simple fact that you are able to read this post, when millions of people across the world have impaired vision. One of my favorite quotes is: “there is always, always something to be thankful for” and, even on a bad day, I know you can find something – no matter how small – to appreciate. On the day my stepfather passed away, we were grateful that he had been given the time to marry my mum in his final days, which is something she will always cherish.
The first P stands for positivity and reminds us to focus on what is going well rather than what is not. When we search for it, we can find positivity everywhere. Have you noticed that when you buy a new car you suddenly see that make and model everywhere? It’s because it has now become important to you and your brain looks for it. Positivity can work the same way – if you make it important, then your brain will look for it. Do you know a particularly positive person? If so, make efforts to spend more time with them and their upbeat characteristics will rub off on you. Observe them as they talk and consciously make efforts to mirror their reactions and their traits – they will become natural to you over time if you repeat them often enough.
The second P stands for power and reminds us that we can choose to be happy, no matter what is going on around us. We have the power to determine how we will react to rude people or disappointments or negativity. I for one, refuse to give anyone else that kind of power over my life. We can truly decide – even in the midst of dark days – to focus on the brightness in life and to remain happy in spite of the circumstances. Abraham Lincoln said this: “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. Happy people simply want to be happy and generally don’t allow the bad stuff the power to affect them as much as unhappy people do. This is another habit that can be adopted with intention, by intentionally focusing on our thoughts and becoming aware when the negativity or anger creeps into our minds. As soon as we recognize these occurring, we can remind ourselves that we have the power over our thoughts and actions and that we can choose to be happy every minute of every day.
The Y is my favorite. It stands for “YIPPEE” and reminds us to celebrate. Oprah said this: “the more you celebrate your life, the more there is to celebrate”. I believe it is important to celebrate our victories – both big and small – and those of the people around us. When we acknowledge the good in life, the bad bits don’t seem quite so bad so find something to celebrate every single day. When you find a good parking spot at the mall, allow yourself a quick “YIPPEE”. When you are given a compliment, have a “YIPPEE” (you might want to keep this one quiet). When you scratch something off of your to-do list, say “YIPPEE”. There are so many small victories we can celebrate, and it is fun to acknowledge them. Don’t forget to spread happiness by celebrating the victories of others – and watch their surprise when you yell “YIPPEE” unexpectedly. One more thing – kids LOVE to celebrate, so make sure you get them involved wherever possible. You could implement a daily celebration conversation at the dinner table where each family member shares something to celebrate about their day (bonus points if you can get teenagers involved, and double bonus if you can get everyone to yell “YIPPEE). If that doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what will.